I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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