I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize