Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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