i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
