You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
