she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
