You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
