I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
