About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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