i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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