My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
