If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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