Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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