wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
