bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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