Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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