this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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