did you get engaged???
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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