It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
