Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
