This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
