Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize