My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
