I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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