Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
