3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
