I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize