so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
