You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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