all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
