Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
