It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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