What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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