you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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