You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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