Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a beard to bite.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
