therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
tell your sister to shave her snatch
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
