Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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