I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
