just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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