Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize