God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
