Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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