You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
