omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
