You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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