my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
