Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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