the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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