White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
