hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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