My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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