All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
