I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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