ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is Oprah even human
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
