Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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