Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
