I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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