I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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