thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
