I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
