just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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