Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
