so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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