I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
