corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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