this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
