so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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