I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize