I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
