There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
