We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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