I must be too annoying 4 u.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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