I am puke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
