Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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