I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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