they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You dont lie about slip and slides
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
