I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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