Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
