If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
