She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
