Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
