Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
