bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
