Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
