1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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