I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
