Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
