ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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