My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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