buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
