I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
