thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
