This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
