Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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