i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
