hotel room ftw
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
