Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
