So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
