I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
