I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize