shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
