we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
