everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
